Friday, May 3, 2019

The Courage to Say It

Clay cup of courage 
Inspiration wearing thin 
The end of the week

I am worn out. That shouldn't be hard to admit though, right? Why is it? It's Friday. It was a long week. I worked hard. I did good work. Some of the best work of my career I think. I should be feeling a little spent. I should feel like I left it on the field. That's okay, right? As long as I worked hard, gave 100% it's okay to feel worn out, right?

But still. Admitting I am worn out feels like defeat. It's only Friday. Not just that, it's Friday morning. What does it mean that I am "worn out"? Does it mean I am getting old? Does it mean I am a part of the problem with kids today? Does it mean I can't keep up? Why am I worn out? My Dad worked for 40 years, in the same spot, doing the same thing. Many of those years he worked 6 days a week to provide for us. How can I be worn out not even halfway through my career? a wonderful constantly evolving career, and worn out on a Friday morning? What's wrong with me!? 

I have had this conversation with myself more than once. I  suspect many others go through a similar battle with themselves. I suspect many coffee cups endure the long hard introspective stares of people wrestling with the day ahead, even when it's Friday. Even when the glassy stare is coming from someone who has achieved amazing things during the week, or achieved amazing things in their career or done more than their 40 or loaded more than 15 tons. 

It shouldn't be so hard to admit that when we are worn out. It should be a positive sign of self-awareness. It should be a healthy sign of managing yourself and your emotions. But, for me, it's not. It's hard to admit. Its always hard to admit I am worn out. It's another long conversation with a coffee cup. 

If you find yourself having the same conversation, you are not alone. 

No comments: